Recruitment Profile: Jacky Stein-Garde
TANKTHINK LEAKS_001.
Editor's Note:
The following set of documents comprises the first set from the TankThink data leak. It is the first of five detailing the candidates.
TANKTHINK RECRUITMENT DEBRIEF
CANDIDATE: Jacky Stein-Garde
DATE: December 15, 2024
INTERVIEWER: [REDACTED]
CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL
INTERVIEWER: What was your academic standing at the University of Chicago prior to your recruitment?
JACKY STEIN-GARDE: It was—is?—my fifth quarter. They call it "academic sudden death" when you're one mistake away from suspension. That’s what happens when you fail six courses. Which is only 37.5 of all my total classes, but that didn’t matter. The three As I got didn’t matter, either. Nor did Professor Bogard offering to help me get my paper on the Zomian Mirror published.
Not that I ever followed up. No. It was hard to do anything else. Other than my full time job. Daughter to Roberta Stein-Garde.
When you have to talk to your mother for three hours a day it’s hard to do anything. Have to? I guess I didn't have to. I could have not taken her calls. But then she would call the RA, then the dean of students, she would call professor friends of hers in Hyde Park who had stopped talking to her a long time ago.
She wasn’t always crazy. That made it harder. Some of the time Roberta was who my mother used to be. Her old genius self. Always the smartest person in the room. First woman professor of strategy at West Point. Advisor to governments. Etc.
But then, the other part of the time.
[Subject sighs]
She was convinced that her cancelation actually had nothing to do with the Kurds. It was actually the result of a cabal of male homosexuals, cryptocommunist of course, who had never liked Roberta. My mother, the paranoid hag. And why did I let her survey the ranks of every single major International Relations program and inform me who was and was not in this homosexual cryptocommunist clique — for nearly four hours?
I tried not listening to her — “decoupling” is what they call it. Last March. End of winter quarter. It didn’t go well.
PROVIDENCE JOURNAL | LOCAL NEWS | MARCH 4, 2024
Former Brown University professor Roberta Stein-Garde was involuntarily committed to Butler Hospital yesterday following what authorities described as "a severe psychological episode" at her East Side apartment. Neighbors called police after Stein-Garde was observed covering her windows with aluminum foil and shouting about "academic surveillance" from her balcony at 3 AM. This marks the culmination of a public unraveling that began with her controversial statements on Kurdish identity last year, which led to her removal from the Watson Institute. Her attorney declined comment, while her daughter Jacqueline, a University of Chicago student, could not be reached.
TANKTHINK RECRUITMENT DEBRIEF
CANDIDATE: Jacky Stein-Garde
DATE: December 15, 2024
INTERVIEWER: [REDACTED]
CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL
INTERVIEWER: Those emails you sent to Clinton and Merkel before we found you - what were you hoping would happen?
JACKY: My mother used to transform policy with a single phone call. Everyone listened when she spoke. I watched that power vanish overnight after her cancellation.
INTERVIEWER: And you tried to recreate that influence.
JACKY: [nodding] I was failing out of UChicago, watching Mom spiral into paranoia, and I knew – I knew – I had insights worth hearing. So I started emailing everyone. Clinton, Merkel, UN officials.
INTERVIEWER: Seeking recognition.
JACKY: Seeking a hand up. A way out. [bitter laugh] I wrote Clinton this brilliant analysis of Kurdish separatist movements. Twenty-two pages. Color-coded maps. The works.
INTERVIEWER: And?
JACKY: Form letter. [shrugs] Same with Merkel. The others didn't even respond. That's when I realized being smart isn't enough. That whole system is designed to keep people like me out.
INTERVIEWER: You’re very right.
SUBJECT: URGENT: Critical Analysis of Kurdish Separatist Movements
TO: h.clinton@clintonfoundation.org
Secretary Clinton,
My analysis reveals PKK recruitment has shifted to targeting educated Kurdish diaspora in Germany using encrypted messaging systems previously unidentified by intelligence agencies. Their three-tier cell structure mimics Baader-Meinhof but incorporates post-Soviet patronage networks.
I've identified potential diplomatic pressure points that could redirect separatist energies toward peaceful advocacy. My mother (Dr. Roberta Stein-Garde, Brown) previously shared similar findings with your State Department team.
Available to discuss immediately,
Jacqueline Stein-Garde
University of Chicago
SUBJECT: EU Border Policy Failures - Immediate Action Required
TO: buero.bundeskanzlerin@bundeskanzleramt.de
Chancellor Merkel,
Your administration's approach to the refugee crisis neglects critical factors in migration dynamics. The "pull factor" analysis by your ministry contains fundamental errors.
My research demonstrates that targeted economic interventions in five specific Turkish border regions would reduce migrant flows by 37% within six months. Implementation requires minimal resources but demands political courage your colleagues lack.
Jacqueline Stein-Garde
University of Chicago
TARDI SYSTEM CANDIDATE ASSESSMENT: STEIN-GARDE, J.
CLASSIFICATION: PRIORITY RECRUITMENT
Subject demonstrates exceptional strategic cognition paired with profound vulnerability stemming from maternal disruption. Psychological mapping indicates 87% probability of breakthrough performance under targeted pressure. Core personality architecture reveals unusual resilience to cognitive dissonance with simultaneous susceptibility to authority transference. Maternal breakdown has created optimal conditions for identity reconstruction without triggering standard defense mechanisms.
RECOMMENDATION: Immediate deployment of Perfect Timing Protocol during finals week vulnerability window. Subject is uniquely positioned for total system integration following controlled psychological collapse. Estimated success probability: 94.3%.
TANKTHINK RECRUITMENT DEBRIEF
CANDIDATE: Jacky Stein-Garde
DATE: December 15, 2024
INTERVIEWER: [REDACTED]
CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL
INTERVIEWER: Walk us through exactly what happened when you first encountered the TankThink advertisement.
JACKY STEIN-GARDE: I was in my dorm room. Finals week. December 3rd, 4:15 PM exactly. I remember checking the time on my laptop because my paper was due at midnight and I'd written three pages out of twenty.
My mother had already called seven times. The last text said: "Genius is masculine. Bogard knows this. That's why he's failing you. Call me immediately." I put my phone face down and stared at my laptop. The cursor was blinking after a sentence about PKK recruitment patterns.
I opened Necessity to distract myself. That's when I saw it - this white sockpuppet against this weirdly desaturated orange background. It had these knife-like teeth that seemed to catch the light, and button eyes that... this sounds crazy, but they seemed to follow my cursor. Not in a cheesy way. Like he was looking. Above it, in comic sans: "CAN YOU BECOME THE NEXT HENRY KISSINGER?"
The caption read: "Apply to TankThink. Download the App-lication." With the little hyphen.
My first thought was that I was hallucinating from sleep deprivation. But I clicked anyway. The landing page said something like: "TankThink is an AI-forward private conflict strategy platform offering high risk, high reward strategies. Consultant Level One Salaries begin at two point two million dollars a year."
Two point two million. I laughed out loud. But I was desperate enough to do some quick research. And there it was - a CruzzBunch article from 2021 confirming that $chmucks Capital had led a 1.5 billion dollar Series A for TankThink. They were on like series F now, multiple rounds each accumulating way over a billion in capital.
So I downloaded the app. The terms of service said something about "unconventional recruitment techniques" and "your future self may already be waiting." But at that point, what did I have to lose? Academic sudden death or a literal fortune. The choice wasn't hard.
$chmucks Drops $1.5B on Shadowy "TankThink"
By Jake Cruzzle
March 17, 2020
In what industry insiders are calling "the stealth deal of the decade," $chmucks Capital has quietly led a $1.5 billion Series A for TankThink, a company with no public-facing products, services, and one executive.
TankThink's sparse website describes it only as an "AI-forward private conflict strategy platform." When pressed for details, $chmucks spokesperson offered this cryptic response: "Some companies build the future. TankThink ensures there is one."
TANKTHINK APP INTERACTION LOG
USER: Jacky Stein-Garde TIMESTAMP: December 10, 2024 - 16:17:32
Downloaded app-lication after seeing sockpuppet ad. Knife-toothed "Joel" appeared immediately.
User completed shape rotation tasks in 18.6 seconds (top 2% performance). System switched to combined pattern/trivia format - maintained accuracy despite sleep deprivation.
Battles chronology question: Marathon→Actium→Tours→Lepanto→Leipzig→Waterloo→Antietam→Gallipoli→Midway→Mosul. 100% correct.
Nuclear strike scenario response: "Isfahan. High likelihood of neutralizing strategic assets. Shiraz warning indicates likely absence of critical infrastructure. Retaliation inevitable regardless; prioritize military effectiveness."
Machiavelli question: Detailed response about prophets requiring force to overcome those with vested interests in existing order.
System displayed four videos. My interpretation of the NECESSITY tattoo activation (unlike other candidates): "Power made visible through touch - technology becoming biological, needs becoming commands."
Received final round invitation: Pick Hall 319, Tuesday 2pm.
STATUS: PHASE THREE QUALIFIED (1 OF 5)
TANKTHINK RECRUITMENT DEBRIEF
CANDIDATE: Jacky Stein-Garde
DATE: December 15, 2024
INTERVIEWER: [REDACTED]
CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL
INTERVIEWER: What was your impression of first round of the application testing process?
STEIN-GARDE: The shape rotation questions were trivial. I've been doing spatial reasoning puzzles since I was four. My mother believed they built synaptic pathways crucial for geopolitical analysis. The battle chronology question was easy - I've studied conflict patterns my entire life. The nuclear strike scenario was more interesting. Isfahan was obviously the correct target, but I knew it wasn't just testing strategic knowledge - it was measuring my decisiveness under pressure.
INTERVIEWER: And the videos?
STEIN-GARDE: [Laughs] The exploding earth and anime Zapruder film were just noise. Psychological chaff. The NECESSITY tattoo was the only one worth analyzing. I realized immediately it represented the merging of human desire and technological control - body modification as externalized will. The others probably saw only the surface imagery, but I recognized the pattern underneath. That's when I decided I had to win. I think the app felt the force of that decision.
INTERVIEWER: Did you have any hesitations about proceeding to the final round?
STEIN-GARDE: None. My mother was spiraling, I was about to flunk out, and my roommate Hilde was – stalking me? Threatening me? That might have been the worst fucking annoyance.
AUDIO TRANSCRIPT: STEIN-GARDE/FISCHER CONFRONTATION
[Editor’s Note: This recording was almost certainly automatically captured by the TankThink app. Based on this and other documents it appears to automatically and continually collect environmental audio data.]
SOURCE: Recording from Jacky Stein-Garde's phone
DATE: December 3, 2024
TIME: 15:42-15:56 CST
LOCATION: Max Palevsky Residential Commons East, Room 312
HILDE: You've been on these calls for two hours and thirty-seven minutes today. Two hours and thirty-seven minutes.
JACKY: Are you—are you timing my calls?
HILDE: I don't need to. My noise monitoring app does it automatically. And it's showing consistent levels at 62 decibels. That's louder than our agreed-upon limit of 55.
JACKY: We never "agreed" on a decibel limit. You printed out a contract and left it on my desk.
HILDE: Which you didn't sign, proving my point about your inability to honor basic roommate boundaries. This is a shared space, Jacky. I'm not the one colonizing it with non-stop drama.
JACKY: My mother's mental health is not "drama."
HILDE: Your mother's mental health is consuming our room. Look at this place. Your side looks like—
JACKY: Don't take pictures of my desk. I've told you to stop documenting my stuff.
HILDE: I need evidence for the housing office. And for Dr. Keller at Student Services. You know what she said when I showed her the progression of your workspace over the semester? That it shows classic signs of deteriorating executive function.
JACKY: You met with a counselor about me? Without me there?
HILDE: As a concerned third party, I'm allowed to consult with mental health services. I've documented eighty-three separate incidents where you've disrupted my study environment this quarter.
TANKTHINK RECRUITMENT DEBRIEF
CANDIDATE: Jacky Stein-Garde
DATE: December 15, 2024
INTERVIEWER: [REDACTED]
CLASSIFICATION: CONFIDENTIAL
INTERVIEWER: Many candidates report experiencing fear or apprehension before going to the group interview. The sockpuppet imagery, the invasive nature of the app, the simulations. Did any of that frighten you?
JACKY STEIN-GARDE: [Laughs] I thought I'd seen it all. My mother once made me watch footage of Kurdish executions when I was twelve to "prepare me for the realities of geopolitics." I spent the next two years learning Arabic. By fourteen, I was translating intercepted communiqués between militant groups. The sockpuppet with knife-teeth? That was practically cute.
INTERVIEWER: What about the deepfake of your future self? Was that frightening?
JACKY STEIN-GARDE: You mean the glossy corporate version of me? With the straight hair and that ridiculous orange jacket? [Pause] I wasn't scared of her. I was... intrigued. My whole life I've been told I had potential. There she was - potential realized. How could that be frightening? How could any of this be frightening?
Jacky laughs repeatedly.
OBSERVATION NOTES: STEIN-GARDE DEBRIEF
DECEMBER 15, 2024
STAFF OBSERVER: L. NAKAMURA
The laugh starts small, then blooms across her face. Despite the split in her lower lip that reopens—a thin line of blood she doesn't bother wiping away—Jacky's smile is radiant.
"What frightened me was how much I wanted it," she says, leaning forward. "And now. Now. It’s happening. Now.”
Her magenta suit is rumpled, stained with coffee and who knows what else from those 96 hours, but she wears it like armor now. The bandages on her fingers don't stop her confident gestures as she outlines what she wants to implement first.
She's exhausted, yes. Physically spent. But there's an electric clarity to her now.